Over the past month and a half I’ve written dozens of potential publications for my blog. At least twice a week I come up with something ranging from “10 things you learn in your first 10 days in floripa” to “Deep reflections deeper growth.” Unfortunately, there seems to be something fundamentally wrong with each of them.
At first, the problem with blogging was that I’d never felt so vulnerable in my entire life. So exposed. So open to judgement. Pictures and publications on social media don’t come near the candidness that I feel when I put my writing out there for anyone to read. Getting over this fear of judgement is probably a (w)rite of passage for most bloggers.
However, this isn’t the only dilemma. My time abroad, like all moments in my life, has been most impacted and transformed by the people I’ve interacted with along the way. It is impossible to write anything true, real, or honest without a lot more than just a mention of those who have touched my life. Unfortunately, the obvious solution- to write about them- poses the most central of problems. None of these individuals that have shared their lives with me, that have helped me, that have loved me so selflessly, that have opened my eyes to new perspectives and lifestyles have asked to be written about. They didn’t ask to be mentioned, to be judged, to be reviewed, to be investigated through a set of eyes that seeks to understand the meaning of “Brazilian” and share it with a community so innocently detached from this world that there is no way they could possibly understand.
Superficial blog posts with lists of the cool tourist traps, great restaurants, and the best party sites are abundant and far more thorough than anything I’m able to produce probably because I didn’t come here for this. I came here for self-exploration and to deepen my understanding of other people-people who can’t be deduced to page-long weekly blog posts to be read by a few Facebook friends searching for a sense of cultural satisfaction.
Tchau for now- until I find a solution.